The day I met you
I was rather impressed with your commitment
To keeping pervs in their place
Some wanker asked you
To stand up, so he could finish
You escorted him out on his face

Saying "You must be mistaken
I'm not another Internet whore"

Upon reflection
My only mistake was over-thinking
Thinking about how you were
And what with me, clearly
The biggest pig in the universe
I knew you'd have my nuts on a skewer

But you said "Hello loudly"
And you were totally cool to me

Kappsgurl, I like you
I saw you licking your nipples one time
You must have been intoxicated
A few times over
It suddenly occurred to me
That I'd love to see you, properly
Put me in my place

Consequently
I became a witness to your abuse
At the hands of your so-called friends
Well, you just sat there
Smiling, impenetrable
Tearing eyes up, staring straight ahead

Then
Something I said
Had you rolling
Rolling on the bed

Kappsgurl, I like you
I thought you kissed a Canadian guy
Turns out the kid was from Missouri
A few towns over
Maybe, someday
You'll say it's not too late to finally
Put me in my place